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For Nora, a story poem. Part 1. [24 Aug 2010|01:46am]
It starts with colors
(once upon a time)
and wisps of rain and dancing light
(lamby) lend me
write music in the rain
wet paving stones
saturated with themselves
and then
the hole in the fence-
(they talked with poems then
riding bikes down a hill never
'traded bike pedals for gas pedal and
predal too and spider webs make the perfect trade for
then the columns
hidden there and it rises to the surface
it was always there
waiting to be seen
the cats. White and black
the dryad
with her perfect back.
the shifting lace
the face
dancing hindu goddess
waving through the leaves
"I am
through my own seems with rays of sunshine spilling forth"
spanish women talking
our mouths are full of sticks,
the robbers killed her father
rise, esperanza.
children leave themselves a trail of stones
to find in the morning.
two roads diverge in a yellow wood
and toward the sleeping gods
the ever dawn
the grimm tale
the dates wating to
Climbing upward towards the younger gods.
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Give me your opinions! [16 Mar 2010|12:18pm]
Dear friends,
Being the artsy bunch you are, I know you have all owned many cameras over the years. I have decided to buy another camera (Eva stole and destroyed my last one) and want to get a good one, so tell me which ones you like/dislike!
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Here's some love for spring break....obnoxious, gushy amounts of love. [09 Mar 2010|02:44pm]
[ mood | Supprisingly good! ]

This break is so perfectly timed to be right when I needed it, and the weather is so perfect, I'm just loving all over everything.Oh sweet sunshine, I love, love, love you.I love walking to the cemetery at night and talking and the nostalgia feeling that comes from doing so...and watching movies with friends with perfect commentary. And watching Archer. And staying up till forever then sleeping in. And I love planning fun crafty projects!
Things I want to do with the rest of break-
-Go to the beach
-Drink a lot of wine
-Have a tea party
-Fix/alter some clothes
-make soap
- learn to dye clothes with all-natural dyes and experiment with doing so
-go into Philly (probably doing this tomorrow with mommy)
- Bake! Something. Anything. Cookies cupcakes cobbler.
-Actually get some schoolwork done...I have a midterm do monday
-Get a haircut
-Love every one.

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[26 Feb 2010|03:08pm]
I needed to take a break from writing the paper that has consumed my life, so I'm posting poetry that I wrote instead of paying attention in class.


We ate
apples and honey
ritual from a packet
single serving sweetness
the ancient in plastic
the star still in the circle
We gave
blossoms and smiles
timid fingers in our hair
while the breezes sweep
in off the water and all
was bright bathed in light
We played
at magic and loving
at secrets and meaning
without real understanding
or knowing- or caring-
to us it was real.
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[22 Feb 2010|10:27am]
I am BURIED under a mountain of papers.
Spring break cannot get here soon enough.
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[18 Feb 2010|04:31pm]
Oh my lord, it's like high school all over again. Unacceptable.
In other news swing dancing might be my new favorite thing.
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Lists [27 Jan 2010|12:05pm]
Just for fun, I'm putting up the New Year's Resolutions and Bucket Lists that I made with Cay in Vermont. Both lists will probably have things added to them.

New Years Resolutions for 2010
Obligatory weight loss resolution. Learn to make soap. Pee in at least five new states. ( 1 down, 4 to go.) Decide when/if I should go to grad school. Write something creative every week. Do yoga regularly.Make time for art. Learn to sew and make/up cycle all my own clothes. Do the no buy/wardrobe re-fashion challenge (http://wardroberefashion.net/) for six months. Eat local for at least a month. Take a belly dancing class. Ride my bike!Start writing down/taping family stories. Get a good haircut. Play more chess. Make a list of books to read this year- then read all of them. Be less judgmental. Plan for the future. Focus on the positive. Leave the country.

Bucket List
See the Northern lights. Be fluent in two languages other than English. Graduate from college.Brew my own wine. Brew mead. Own land. Hike the Appalachian trail. Visit all 50 states. Learn to dance. See a solar eclipse. Swim in the dead sea. Make a pilgrimage to Mecca. Learn to play a musical instrument well. Go wilderness camping. Fall in love and mean it. Live in another country. Write a letter every day for a year. Go to an outdoor music festival. Visit German relatives in Germany, Visit Italian relatives in Italy. Build my own house. Visit all the continents. Write a book, start to finish. Have a baby. Adopt. Foster a child. Milk a cow. Find out where in Africa my father's family comes from and go there. Go to a spa. Hear wolves howling in the wild. Volunteer in a foreign country. Live off the land. Be at a sea turtle hatching. Go to an indian wedding. Go to Nowhere.
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[27 Jan 2010|11:46am]
Oh, life.
The past few weeks have been the strangest mix of good moods and incredible optimism and the feeling of being right on track on the one hand, and then on the other, pessimism, insecurity, and melancholy. But, really, that's kind of the norm for me? At least in varying degrees.
I'm in the process of scheduling a portfolio review for admission to the art program here as a fine arts minor. I've been procrastinating on doing this since freshman year for a variety of reasons- some legitimate, like not being sure if I'd have room for a a minor, but most of them just bullshit excuses boiling down to nothing more than straight up fear of rejection.But it's something I really, really want to be able to do, just for my own personal satisfaction. I finally forced myself to just go ahead and do it already, but now I'm having almost paralyzing anxiety. I cannot even fathom how serious of a blow to my self-esteem it would be to get rejected from the art program here. It is by no means selective or prestigious- K.C got in with a portfolio comprised 90% of stick-figure-esque crayon drawings. So if I get rejected, I will have no worth whatsoever as an artistic human being.
Then there is the going abroad issue...the Spain program I was planning on doing fell through miserably because I couldn't get a loan to cover it and there was no way I could lay out 8,000+ dollars out of pocket. To add insult to injury, the school won't give me my deposit back. Bitches. But now I just have this itch to get out of here, and further more, to be DOING something when I go. Just traveling is fine and wonderful, and I really want to do more of it, but hearing about the experiences of my friends who are doing study abroad programs or who are living abroad working on things related to their interests or careers ( I met a guy the other day who is about to go to Botswana to study agriculture. BITCHES.) makes me want to do that. There's a summer anthropology program I could do that would only cost about 5,000+ all told, but still, that is a lot of money, especially since I would basically be putting it all on my credit card. But it looks fantastic- it's a ethnography research program to the Yucatan, where you learn Spanish and a little Mayan while taking classes in anthropology, ethnography, and a fieldwork seminar. One of the goals of the program is to incorporate new forms of media into the process of ethnography, so there's an artistic component to the program as well which is just fantastic. Of course there's also the whole flock of little excuses that flood into my head with that option too- the deadline to apply is in less than a week, the program is eight weeks long and I'd most likely lose my job if I went and then how would I pay for food and housing next semester, getting parental consent, etc. Le sigh. I need to be more decisive if I'm ever going to accomplish the things I want to do in life.
But not all is dismal. I'm doing a lot more of the things I want to do- my classes are interesting, I've been sewing, drawing, or crocheting every day, and it makes me happy like almost nothing else does. If I could just live my life learning new and interesting things and creating things I think I would be pleased- especially if it was on a farm, which seems to be an increasing sentiment among our group lately?
This is the longest update I've done in a while. I'm thinking of starting a blog, because everyone has them and I'm a follower :-P I could use it as one of those crafty/travel type blogs- lots of pictures of crafts and recipes and travel adventures and rants about ecology and the state of the environment. Opinions?
P.S- I would do obscene things to be able to go to this: http://www.goingnowhere.org/
I've put it on the list of things I cannot die without doing.
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coffee spoons! [17 Nov 2009|03:29pm]
I feel like I'm losing my damn mind.
Everything is going so quickly...I feel like college is basically over, and simultaneously I'm overwhelmed with options and terrified of not having anything useful to do with myself, or picking the wrong option and getting stuck in a crappy path and feeling like I'm missing out.
I've way too much caffeine today. I have coffee jitters. Meh.
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[27 Apr 2009|12:49am]
It's far too hot to sleep in my room.
It feels like summer.
I've got a sprig of lilac in a cup and the smell is filling up the whole room and it's beautiful and it reminds me of long summer nights at home.
I'll be home for good in ten days.
This song feels really right at the moment.

"Breathing in the night
There's nothing else I'm needing now
The wind is at my side
And so are you
And together we will rise

Above all these word and promises we couldn't keep,
Together we will fly above it all
But sometimes we will fall...
From the light
But it shines on us tonight...
And together we will rise

And surely it's a sign now,
That everything's in tune to some kind of higher plan
Surely it's a sign
That you were right...
And there's the secret line
That we've been denied...
But we're crossing it tonight
And together we will rise

Sometimes we will fall,
from the light
But it shines on us tonight
And together we will rise

Pass this line
That we're crossing here tonight
And together we will rise"
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random musical ranting. [15 Apr 2009|02:05pm]
I've been listening to a lot of 'soft' music lately, stuff along the cat stevens/elliot smith kind of line, and listening to the Once soundtrack a lot. It's amazing. So I decided to look more into Glen Hansard, and oh my god, The Frames. Their album 'The Roads Outgrown' is the perfect rainy gray april tea drinking essay writing poetry reading music. Thank you, Glen Hansard. Thank you for making my gray homework filled afternoons more tolerable.
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[29 Mar 2009|06:07pm]
God what a stressful week this has been
Housing turned into a giant shit-mess really fast...Brie and I spent two or three hours a piece on the phone with our parents Tuesday night trying to work things out. Brie's mom didn't want her to live off campus at all, especially not since we would have to sign a lease so quickly. My parents didn't want to lend me money for the security deposit since the house was next to K.C, It was a big giant mess which ended with me getting my parents to loan me the money and calling the landlord to tell her to get the lease ready for us to sign just in time for Brie's mom to veto the whole thing. So, instead, Brie and I are living in an on campus apartment next year. We're sharing a double, and the apartment has three other singles in it and we have no idea who we'll be living with, so that kind of sucks, but my friends Sarah, Anya, and Jenna B are living on our floor, so maybe it'll work out. Whatever.
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"Dos cuerpos por una sola miel derrotados." [23 Mar 2009|10:24pm]
Brie, Rose and I are involved in a last minute scramble for an off campus hour which is stressing me out royally. We're going to look at one at two tomorrow and I feel really overwhelmed...like, I'm not old/mature enough for this, which I know is false, but still. From what we know of the house so far, it's really good (too good, actually, which has led Jewell to decide that the house must be haunted by the ravenous souls of the restless undead). We'll see what comes of that.
Equally stress inducing is course selection ,as pretty much NONE of the classes I need are offered next semester. Delightful. I have a meeting with my adviser next Monday to try and get it figured out and some time between then and now I have to see the chair of anthropology about a self designed major? On top of, you know, actually keeping up with the steadily increasing amount of school work that I am just barely keeping up with.
But somehow, in spite of all that, I'm in a decent mood- I'm stressed about the house, but at least I'm taking initiative and if it works out I WILL HAVE MY OWN HOUSE. Which is pretty freakin' sweet. And class selection sucks, but hey, again, at least I'm taking initiative, which is kind of a big deal for me as I have a tenancy towards "situation paralysis" or whatever it's called where when I hit a certain level of stress my instinctive reaction is to curl up in a little ball and ignore all problems until they miraculously go away on their own (this approach DOES NOT WORK and is the cause of my sad GPA.) So, yeah, in general I would say that I'm optimistically overwhelmed.
P.S- Who wants to go see The Decemberists with me? Somebody?...anybody?...please?
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[10 Mar 2009|02:17pm]
I am officially in love with Dave End. He opened for Kimya last night and is fabulous- I bought both his CDs and all the songs are sweet and low quality and catchy.
I've been spending most of my spring break wandering around in my pajamas doing random chores...I need to step it up, I feel this crazy urge to be more productive and get a lot of stuff done while I have the time, but my thoughts are all scattered and disorganized. I think I need to make some lists- that always helps in a weird way.
I am queen of random pointless updates.
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Time for streesssssss [24 Feb 2009|11:14pm]
Just found out a half hour ago that I will be going to Power Shift in D.C this weekend....which is incredibly awesome, but now I'm spazing about getting all my work done/packing/getting money from my parents. Time to get busy busy busy!
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[09 Feb 2009|12:17pm]

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The welcome back concert at TCNJ is Brand New.
I think I just jizzed in my pants.
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meh. [18 Dec 2008|11:47am]
[ mood | blah ]

So, I've been home since Friday, but haven't done anything except lay around and go to work because promptly upon returning home I contracted the obnoxious cold of misery that my mom, dad, and sister all had. I'm very rarely sick so this is really crappy timing because I really want to be out and about with all my lovely friends who I miss so much. But it's not all bad, I've done lots of fun christmasy stuff with my mom- watching Christmas classics, drinking hot coco, etc. That, and watch CSI. Tons and tons and tons of CSI. My mind is stuffed with crappy dialogue vaguely intriguing forensics. But I'm feeling mostly better, so soon I shall emerge into the outside world and demand funtimes. Mwahahaha.

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[15 Oct 2008|01:50pm]
As much as I loved seeing everyone over fall break, I always love coming back to school.
Despite the fact that I have an insane amount of work to do over the next few weeks, and I'm already somewhat disastrously behind. Bleh.
Course registration for spring semester is coming, which means I need to make an appointment with my adviser since I'm still technically an open options student. I'm thinking it's as good a time as any to declare a major, but I'm hesitant because...well, I'm petrified of making a choice I'm going to regret later and being stuck with it. Meh.
In shallower news, I need to lose weight like whoa. My clothes are starting to not fit right, and that, I simply will not tolerate.
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[07 Oct 2008|11:49pm]
Wall-e is officially the cutest movie of all time.
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